


You'll Always Have Me

by Scuttlepants



Category: Frozen (Disney Movies)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, F/F, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Post-Canon, Post-Frozen 2 (2019)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-29
Updated: 2020-03-29
Packaged: 2021-02-28 18:21:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 4,302
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23381581
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Scuttlepants/pseuds/Scuttlepants
Summary: "A small flake of snow whirled past her face, and for a moment Anna felt joy flood her heart, but it was smothered as fast as it had come. The snow was perfectly ordinary; there was nothing of Elsa in it. She’s not coming back."In the wake of Elsa's unexplained absence, Anna tries to come to grips with losing her sister again.
Relationships: Anna/Elsa (Disney), Anna/Kristoff (Disney)
Kudos: 39





	1. Day 1: The wind blows a little bit colder...

**Author's Note:**

> This is my collection of works for the Frozen Angst Challenge hosted by [Vuelie ](https://vuelie.tumblr.com/) and [Vannminner](https://vannminner.tumblr.com/) over on [Tumblr](https://vuelie.tumblr.com/post/612585522525765632/hey-guys-vuelie-here-i-know-everyone-is-on). Big thanks to them for hosting it!
> 
> I decided to make my entries connected as part of a longer story and so here they all are! This is ultimately Elsanna even if it takes a while to get there, and there are mentions of Kristanna but don't worry, it's not a Kristanna fic. Hope you enjoy it. :)  
> 

A sharp and bitter wind tugged at her cloak as the queen stepped towards the edge of the cliff. She had never known how to describe it, but an instinctual part of Anna could tell that the cold of this wind was not _hers._ There was no magic in it, just empty glimmerings of past memories.

It was an overcast day; all indications were that this would be the first snow of the season. The first snow since she had last seen Elsa—since Anna had last held her. In the months after she left Anna tried desperately to find her, to understand why her sister was shutting her out again, but it was no use. It was all too reminiscent of the many years of solitude she had experienced as a young child—no explanation for the absence, and no way to end it. She was helpless once again.

Anna had never expected her sister to treat her like this again. Even after she had become queen and Elsa had chosen to stay up in the forest, they had seen each other at least once a week. Those were her favorite days, when she got to spend time with Elsa; when she could hold her sister and remind her of how loved she was. _And so I could know that she still loved me._

It was a bitter reality that Anna didn’t want to admit. Without Elsa around her self-esteem had plummeted; loneliness and grief gnawed into her heart, replacing the love that had flourished in the last four years. It wasn’t fair to Kristoff and she knew it; she knew he loved her, and she loved him, but it wasn’t enough.

She hated herself for it, she hated the doubt, the fear, and the agonizing reality of their relationship. Without Elsa around, Kristoff’s love wasn’t enough for her. _I need Elsa to feel happy with him—I need Elsa._ A shiver ran up her spine, as if an attempt to reject that thought—to banish it—but it stood firm.

She stood on the edge of the cliff now, peering out across the sea with her cloak flung out behind her in the bitter wind. She desperately hoped to find Elsa returning on the Nokk—returning to her.

A small flake of snow whirled past her face, and for a moment Anna felt joy flood her heart, but it was smothered as fast as it had come. The snow was perfectly ordinary; there was nothing of Elsa in it. _She’s not coming back._

A cry of anguish broke from her throat as Anna collapsed to her knees. Tears fell freely down her face until she could no longer see. Sobbing, Anna curled up on the rocky ground and let herself grieve for the sister she had lost _again._


	2. Day 2: Please, come home...

Spring was a welcome change for Anna when it came that year. The cold of winter and the snow that came with it was usually a delight for Anna, but with her sister gone it had quickly become just another reminder. The months dragged monotonously; she fulfilled her queenly duties, and while it was a welcome distraction, it also made it impossible to not think about Elsa. _Where are you?_

But as time passed Anna felt herself begin to accept this new reality. Elsa was gone. Everyday her heart was clenched in the grip of fear and misery; her mind was a vicious cycle of self-doubt and blame. Some part of her, buried deep, knew that she wasn’t responsible for Elsa’s choices, but the louder part was convinced that she had driven Elsa off. And over the months of snow and bitter wind, Anna found herself acclimating to the turmoil within.

She forced herself to find joy where she could. She spent more time with Kristoff and Olaf, and in a way, it eased the burden. Anna knew they were upset about Elsa’s abandonment as well, but they knew not to bring it up unless she did, and for that she was grateful. They cared for her, and she cared for them, and there were moments when Olaf said something bizarre and ridiculous that she lost herself in laughter. But as soon as the moment had passed—as soon as she was apart from them—the crushing weight of loneliness came back in full.

Kristoff in particular tried his hardest to be there for her. He was patient, and he was loving. Anna felt terrible for him; not only did he have to deal with Elsa’s absence himself, he also had to deal with her melancholy. Anna was sure that he didn’t mind, but it clearly took a strain on him, and the guilt of that twisted into her heart with everything else. Worst of all, was that she couldn’t get past what she had admitted to herself on the cliff that day—without Elsa, Kristoff’s love wasn’t enough.

She still loved him; she cared about him deeply. But as more time passed, she began to realize more and more that she had only been able to truly love Kristoff because Elsa had loved her. Kristoff could clearly tell the difference in their relationship; Anna was more distant, and less affectionate. He assumed this was due to the loss of Elsa, so he didn’t press it, and Anna was thankful for that. _I just need time. I’ll be able to be happy with him, I just need to get through this first._

Despite the repetition of that line in her head, deep down Anna could feel it wasn’t true. She knew she should tell him; it was unfair and unkind of her to drag him along like this. But she found herself unwilling to bring it up whenever she thought she might. _How can I do that to him?_

Now, she lay awake in her bed—the one that had been Elsa’s—unable to sleep, unable to stop thinking about Elsa and Kristoff. She lay for a while before giving up. Grumbling, she tossed off the covers, walked over and pulled open the doors the balcony in the room. A cool but not cold breeze flew past her into the room as she stepped out and breathed deeply.

Anna loved the smell of spring; it felt warm and hopeful, and it helped sooth her troubled mind. Letting her head fall back she gazed up at the stars and let her mind wander to distant memories: _“The sky’s awake so I’m awake…”_ Tears began to fall gently down her face as she remembered these happier times.

“Oh Elsa, how did we get here?” The words were soft and barely audible; an unheard request for an answer that would never come. Sadness welled in her chest and broke free from her throat as Anna leaned against the railing staring out across Arendelle and out into the harbor. She knew she wouldn’t see her riding there, but she couldn’t help but hope. It was something to hold onto, something to look forward to.

Lowering herself to her knees Anna allowed herself to weep and feel as she dreamt of a day where she would see her sister riding across the harbor to meet her.

_Elsa please, come home._


	3. Day 3: Your majesty... there's something you need to know.

She missed Kristoff, and she felt terrible for it. She didn’t deserve him; she didn’t deserve to want him—not after what she had done. It was approaching midsummer now, close to her birthday. Kristoff had left several weeks ago after Anna had finally found the strength to tell him how she was feeling. She wanted him here for her birthday. _I want him here so I’m not alone on my birthday._

A low growl escaped her mouth as she shook her head, trying to free herself of the selfish thought. She didn’t deserve to want Kristoff; she had broken his already damaged heart. Of course he had been kind about it. He had respected her feelings and told her he’d be there if she changed her mind—and then he was gone. _Just like Elsa—gods, I’m so sorry._

She sat now on her balcony, basking in the warmth of the sun as it made its slow descent for the night. She had made it through the bulk of what was required from a queen that day, and she was grateful for a moment to rest her body. A lack of things to do tended to make her mind drift to _them_ , but in a way, she had come to find comfort in this. Much like when she was young, thinking of Elsa and Kristoff was the only connection she had with them—and she held onto that fiercely.

A stout knock on her door brought her out of her thoughts. With a sigh she stood and went to the door, gathering herself before opening it. Anna was surprised to see the captain of the guard as she opened the door; she was even more surprised to see the look of consternation and fear on his face.

“Your majesty I… there’s something you need to know.” He paused waiting for her to give him the sign to continue.

“What is it?” Something in the tone of his voice immediately sprung up a feeling of dread in Anna’s heart, and she felt that creep into her voice as she spoke.

“It’s Queen Elsa—” _No! No, this can’t be happening._

“Elsa! What happened? Is she okay?” Anna didn’t need the captain to finish what he had been saying to know this wasn’t good news.

The captain seemed nervous but continued: “she’s been found not too far off. Your majesty, she’s hurt—”

Anna pushed past him brusquely not needing to hear anymore. “Take me to her!”

**——**

Anna’s whole body felt in turmoil as she finally forced herself to sit. It was well past midnight and she had spent the last couple of hours pacing back and forth in front of the fire in the library. _Why is this taking so long? Please, please, let her be okay._

Elsa had been found at the bottom of a steep slope. She appeared to have slipped off the edge of the cliff. Her leg was broken, and probably several ribs; she had also obtained a great multitude of bruises and scratches. She was currently being taken care of by the royal physician, and had been for a while now.

The waiting was killing Anna. She knew better than to bother the healers while they worked, but the lack of knowing had her worked up well past the point of tears. _Elsa, please don’t go._ Anna reckoned it must have been close to dawn by the time the royal physician came to find her.

“Is she okay?” The desperation in her voice was almost tangible, but she didn’t care.

“Yes, your majesty. She is currently resting. We believe she will make it through this, but we are watching her closely to ensure she has everything she needs.” The physician voice was calm, but Anna could hear the strain the night had put on him underneath.

“Thank you Arvid, please take me to her.” She knew that he would want to object, but she gave him a look to make it clear she wasn’t going to hear any objections.

Elsa had been laid to rest in the room that had been Anna’s before she had become queen. The only light was supplied by a few candles around the room, but even so Anna could see how pale and sickly her sister looked.

Rushing to her side, she knelt beside the bed and reached out to touch her before abruptly stopping. It had been almost a year since she had last seen Elsa— _almost a year since I last touched you._ Until now she had pushed any thought of that from her mind in deference to incessant worry about the blonde’s well-being.

Looking down upon her sleeping sister now brought back all the agony and pain of the months since she had abandoned her. “Leave us please.” She spoke tersely in order to keep her emotions in check; Arvid bowed and took his leave.

The door hadn’t yet shut when Anna broke down sobbing. “Oh Elsa, why?” She spoke in strangled gasps in-between bouts of weeping that shook her whole body.

Knowing she wouldn’t have an answer then— _or maybe ever—_ Anna laid her head on the bed, and gently rested her hand on her sister’s arm, tenderly stroking it with her thumb. Her tears continued to flow, but she held back her sobs in order to not disturb Elsa’s rest. She would ask her questions later, for now she was simply glad to be near her sister once again.


	4. Day 4: Sleep my darling safe and sound.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Decided to shift to Elsa's perspective for the last two chapters as it worked better for how I wanted the story to unfold, and I thought it'd be nice to see both of their sides.

Elsa's eyes fluttered lightly as she slowly became aware of her surroundings. _This… this is soft? I’m not outside—Anna!_ Her eyes flew open and she tried to raise her body to look around, but immediately had to bite back a loud groan as pain coursed through her abdomen. Recollection started coming back to her; she had been heading back to Arendelle, and she had fallen?

There were vague flashes of the ground and sky rushing past her in a tumble as she fell, then an odd sensation of floating. She quickly squeezed her eyes shut to banish the thought, she didn’t want to remember that. Taking slow, deep breaths, she slowly opened her eyes again and looked around the room. _Is this Anna’s room?_ She had never spent much time here. Even after Elsa’s coronation, when she and Anna had spent time together late at night, or slept in the same bed it had usually been in Elsa’s room. _Gods, what am I doing here? I can’t be here; I can’t be around her._

Double-checking her surroundings she was relieved to find that no one was around, especially not Anna. It had been a mistake to try and come back, she would only cause more damage by being here. Gritting her teeth against the pain Elsa slowly pulled herself into an upright position and moved to exit the bed only to find that her right calf was in a splint. “You and I are going to have a serious conversation when I get out of here Nokk,” she grumbled to herself.

She had been close to Arendelle—within sight—when she had changed her mind about returning. She wasn’t sure if the Nokk had tried to send her off the cliff, or if that had just been a byproduct of its attempt to stop her from leaving. _I guess that worked then didn’t it._ She was confident the Nokk did not desire her death—not after their confrontation at the dark sea—but it certainly hadn’t meant to gently convince her to stay.

Tenderly Elsa moved her legs to hang over the side of the bed, before encasing her broken calf in ice, helping steady it further. She then conjured up a cane to lean on as she stood; it was time for her to leave—before Anna came to find her. _I’m so sorry, but this is for the best._

She only made it a few steps towards the window before a crack ran up the length of the ice she leant on and it split in half, sending her crashing to the floor with a loud _thud_. It wasn’t a hard fall, despite her already battered body, but something about that small loss wormed its way deep into Elsa’s heart. Flat on her face on the floor Elsa felt her walls—her will—break apart and she wept.

She barely heard the door to the room open, or her name called, but when a tender hand touched the back of her head, she turned her head to the side and saw the concerned face of her sister.

“I’m here Elsa, it’s okay, I’m here.” The words overflowed with the love that shone clearly in her teal eyes.

Elsa didn’t know what to say; she wasn’t prepared to see Anna—she wasn’t prepared to be seen like this. She opened and closed her mouth a few times in-between the sobs that still coursed through her.

“It’s okay. You don’t have to say anything, I’m here; I love you.”

_I could never deserve you Anna._

Slowly the redhead helped Elsa to her feet and gently led her back to the bed. Tucked back under the covers, Elsa shyly looked up at Anna through the tears that still flowed. Without prompting, Anna climbed onto the other side of the bed and gently cuddled close to her wounded sister.

“Gods, I-I-I’m I’m so sorry A-Anna!” The words broke free from Elsa’s mouth before she could think not to say them. “I-I’m so, so sorry.” _You deserve better._

Anna didn’t say anything at first; her grip tightened a little, and Elsa thought she could hear some quite sniffles. “I know. I know Elsa. We can talk later.”

Elsa didn’t know how she had been lucky enough to be the sister of such a kind and loving woman, but she heeded her advice. She curled into Anna’s side and cried. She cried for the hurt she had caused, she cried for why it had been necessary, and she cried for the love she could never show her sister.

Anna held her tightly, gently stroking her back and whispering quiet nonsense into Elsa’s hair. As she faded into sleep from sheer exhaustion, she heard one phrase clear and strong: “…sleep my darling safe and sound…when all is lost, then all is found.”


	5. Day 5: Why are you looking at me like that?

The days following Elsa’s return were surprisingly peaceful. Arvid, the royal physician, confirmed that she should make a full recovery as long as she didn’t exacerbate any of the wounds. This earned her a warning glare from Anna which caused her to duck her head in shame. But aside from this, Anna was nothing but loving and steady.

Elsa was more or less confined to Anna’s old room given her lack of mobility, but whenever Anna had time to spare, she would spend it with her. She didn’t ask questions, she didn’t push for details, she was just there—holding Elsa in her arms. _I love you, more than you know._ It was almost two weeks later—a couple days before Anna’s birthday—that she finally brought it up.

“Elsa, I… I know you’re not going to want to talk about this, and I am trying to give you what you need, but I wa—I _need_ to understand.” The words were spoken slowly and gently, but panic still clawed at Elsa upon hearing them.

Hesitantly, she turned to look at Anna. Her sister’s eyes gazed at her with evident fear, but there was a steadiness—almost calmness—hiding behind that. _Please don’t hate me._

“I… Anna, I’m sorry, I—”

“I know you’re sorry Elsa, I really do. I’m not angry just… I just need to understand. Please, help me understand?” Anna’s interruption was firm, but not rude.

Taking a deep breath Elsa forced herself to not retreat inward as she spoke: “Anna, it’s better you don’t know. Trust me… please?”

The flash of pain that crossed Anna’s face was expected, but no less heart-wrenching to see. _Please don’t push it._

“No Elsa, I refuse to believe that. Whatever it is, whatever you think I can’t handle or shouldn’t know, you’re wrong!” Anna’s face was flushed with emotion, and she had to pause briefly to formulate her words. “Whenever you’ve thought it was better to keep things from me you’ve been wrong. Please, just—just don’t shut me out!”

_Why must you make this so hard? I can’t—please let it go._ “Anna… please? I—I can’t.” She hated the way she sounded; she hated doing this to her sister. _It’s for the best. Conceal; don’t feel… right?_

Anna’s face was awash with emotion, and all of it drove home how much Elsa’s words hurt her. The tension between them leached into Elsa’s bones, and she felt the old—but familiar—panic rise further in her chest.

Anna stood abruptly and started pacing in front of the bed they sat on, shocking Elsa out of her thoughts. She wanted to say something, something to ease her sister’s pain, something to help her accept this—but nothing seemed adequate.

Suddenly, Anna stopped her movement and rounded on Elsa. “How can you say that? How can you do this to me _again_? You can’t keep on doing this to me Elsa! You can’t keep on pushing me away.” There were tears forming in her eyes that she clearly tried to hold back, but it was a futile task. _How can I? Can I?_

Elsa hurt. She felt torn between the need to protect her sister, and the desire to appease her—to confess. She had never quite known when she had fallen in love with Anna, but for a long time she had been able to suppress it, to just love her as a sister. Then Kristoff had proposed, and the torment had become too much. She had fled, and she had hated herself for it, but what else could she have done? _I had to. I had to protect her from me. She didn’t deserve to have my repulsive feelings interfere with her relationship… but he’s gone now, isn’t he?_

“Anna, please believe me, I don’t want to hurt you—I’m sorry I hurt you. I am just trying to protect you.” The words were lacking, and she knew it, but it was all she could bring herself to say at that moment.

Instead of the anger, or frustration, Elsa had expected she saw the tears in Anna’s eyes break free and trickle down her cheeks. Before she could speak, Anna returned to the bed, sat right next to her, and grabbed her hand—holding it tightly. When she spoke it was soft and full of pain: “I know you’re just trying to do what you think is best—I do. I—I’m sorry I lost my temper just now, but please, can you trust me this time?”

Elsa’s heart hurt in a way she had hoped to never feel again, and she felt tears of her own start to fall down her face. _She’s apologizing to me. Oh Anna, why are you so good to me?_ Ducking her head she spoke: “I’m scared.” It was simple, and it didn’t elaborate further on what her sister wanted to know, but it seemed like a good place to start.

She felt Anna gently stroke her hand with her thumb, encouraging her to look back up, but she kept her eyes averted.

“Hey, I know. I know how scary things can be sometimes, but it’s me, your sister. You can tell me anything, and I’ll still be here.” _My sister… well that’s the problem isn’t it._

The closeness, the insistence, were taking their toll on Elsa’s resolve. She had let herself relax and enjoy Anna’s presence and comfort since she had returned, and now that her walls were lowered it felt so much harder to hold back what she _truly_ wanted. _I can’t, I can’t! Don’t do this to her. Don’t do it!_ A sob broke from Elsa’s mouth at the conflict she felt within. _Is this worth it?_

Attempting to breath evenly, she forced herself to raise her head and look at Anna. She looked into the glistening teal eyes she knew so well, and all she saw was love. An ever-flowing fountain of love in the form of her sister. _You are so beautiful; you are all I want._ The feelings she had buried burst forth; the fetters that had held them down broke apart as she gazed into Anna’s eyes.

“Elsa… why are you looking at me like that?” Elsa knew as soon as she heard those words that it was too late. The love present in her heart, that shone in her eyes, was anything but sisterly, and Anna had picked up on that. _What do I have to lose? I can always leave again._

“Because… because I want to kiss you.” The words seemed to have their own life. They slipped out of her mouth and filled the room with tension and anticipation as Elsa watched Anna’s face go through several stages of surprise.

“Oh… oh! I… um, is that why? Of course that’s why! Wow um, I don’t know what to say Elsa.” There was only surprise in her voice, no trace of the disgust that Elsa had expected. It was just about the best reaction she could have hoped for—though certainly not the one she wanted.

With a deep sigh Elsa nodded to the question Anna didn’t need answered. “Please don’t hate me. I—I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I don’t know why I feel this way about you, I just… I do. I’m so sorry.” Her body was heaving with sobs by the time she finished the sentence. To her complete surprise, Anna immediately wrapped her up in her arms and held her firmly but tenderly as the emotions ran their course.

“Shhh, it’s okay. It’s okay Elsa. You don’t need to be sorry. You… I… it is what it is. I’m still here.”

Elsa closed her eyes and let herself be rocked by Anna’s gentle touch. As her tears began to subside, she felt her head slowly lowered onto the pillows piled at the head of the bed. She kept her eyes shut—she didn’t want to have to look at Anna for fear of shame.

“Elsa, can I try something?”

Her head was foggy with the stress of all she had felt so she just nodded. And then to her shock she felt her sister’s— _Anna’s—_ lips press against hers in a timid, loving kiss.

_Anna._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's it! I know it kind of ends when things are picking up, but I like this as an ending personally, and I had to end somewhere for the challenge. Hope you enjoyed it!


End file.
